The knot in your stomach when you look at a price tag? The flash of anxiety when a friend books a lavish vacation? That’s not a sign you’re poor. It’s a sign you’re conscientious.
Stop asking if I can afford it. If you’re asking, you know the answer.
Yet, we beat ourselves up with toxic, old-world phrases like, “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” That phrase wasn’t designed to offer wisdom; it was designed to put you in your place. It’s a relic of a bygone era, yet its ghost still haunts us, making us feel inadequate.
And that feeling is widespread. A 2023 study from Bankrate found that over half of U.S. adults feel that money negatively impacts their mental health, fueling stress and anxiety.
So, let’s make a deal.
We’re not going to rehash budgeting 101. Instead, we are going to dismantle that toxic phrase, piece by piece, and replace it with a powerful framework that builds real, lasting financial confidence.
Where Did This Toxic Phrase “If You Have To Ask, You Can’t Afford It” Come From?
To disarm a weapon, you have to understand how it was built. This phrase was forged in the fire of the Gilded Age, an era of unimaginable opulence and staggering inequality.
The legend, as recounted in countless financial histories, centers on the titan of industry, J.P. Morgan. He owned a magnificent, 165-foot yacht named the Corsair.
When a fellow banker supposedly asked him what the annual cost to maintain such a vessel was, Morgan’s now-infamous retort was, “If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.“
Let’s be clear: this wasn’t financial advice. This was gatekeeping. It was a verbal velvet rope designed to draw a hard line between the truly, untouchably rich and everyone else.
The point of the yacht wasn’t just to sail; it was to signal a level of wealth where cost becomes an irrelevant concept. It was a tool of exclusion, and its meaning today should be seen through that historical lens.
Why the J.P. Morgan Mindset Is a Trap for 99% of Us
Clinging to that Gilded Age mindset in the modern world is a recipe for financial and psychological ruin. It creates a scarcity mindset, a trap I’ve seen clients fall into for decades.
This mindset forces you into a painful binary: you either feel deprived because you can’t have the thing. Or you feel guilty because you bought it. There is no room for joyful, intentional spending. It’s a no-win cycle that directly fuels the financial anxiety so many people feel.
Do you like my approach to finance? Then join thousands of others:
Here’s the truth from my years “under the hood”:
The client I had with the newest Mercedes and the biggest house was also the one who couldn’t sleep at night. Terrified that one missed bonus would bring the whole house of cards down. Meanwhile, my quietest, most unassuming multi-millionaire clients were the ones who would meticulously analyze a purchase based on its value, not its status.
Pick up a copy of my favorite personal finance book, The Millionaire Next Door (Amazon), to understand this better.
The idea that truly wealthy people don’t consider the cost is a myth sold to make you spend foolishly. As financial expert Rick Ferri wisely stated,
“Self-worth and net-worth are not the same. Your value is not determined by your valuables.”
It’s time to reject a framework designed to make you feel small.
The Reframe: Michael Ryan Money’s 3 Powerful Questions That Replace “What’s the Price?”
So, we throw out the toxic question. But what do we replace it with?
We upgrade our financial operating system. Instead of one flawed, anxiety-inducing question, you will now ask three powerful, intelligent ones.
Question 1: Is This Purchase Worthy of My Life Energy? (The Value Question)
This is the first and most important filter. Before you even think about price, you must think about value alignment. This is the core of value-based spending.
Think of yourself as the curator of the museum of your life. You have a limited budget and limited wall space. You wouldn’t acquire a piece of art you found ugly just because it was on sale, would you? Of course not. You acquire pieces that are meaningful, that bring you joy, that align with the story you want your museum to tell.
Your First Action Step:
Grab a pen. Write down your top 3-5 core values.
- Are they Security?
- Experiences with family?
- Learning?
- Health?
- Status?
Be honest. Now, when you consider a significant purchase, hold it up against that list. That $5,000 vacation to create memories with your kids might align perfectly. That $5,000 watch meant to impress colleagues you don’t even like? Probably not.
This isn’t about restriction. It’s about directing your resources toward what truly matters, which makes it effortless to ignore what doesn’t.
Question 2: What Is the True Cost? (The TCO Question)
Okay, a purchase has passed your value filter. Now we can talk about cost, but not the number on the price tag. We need to talk about the Total Cost of Ownership (TCO), the number that a price tag conveniently hides.
I once had a client who got a “great deal” on a boat. The “deal” ended the moment he signed the papers. He was then slammed with costs for docking, insurance, fuel, engine maintenance, and winterization. The boat didn’t just cost him money; it cost him his weekends and his peace of mind.
Here is the real math you need to do:
💡 The True Cost Formula: Price + Maintenance Costs + Time & Energy Costs = TCO
A $1,000 designer bag isn’t $1,000. It’s $1,000 + the cost of specialty cleaning + the mental energy you’ll spend worrying about scratching it.
A luxury car isn’t the sticker price; it’s the price + premium fuel + higher insurance + more expensive repairs. Asking about the TCO is one of the smartest financial questions you can ask.
Question 3: What Am I Saying ‘No’ To? (The Opportunity Cost Question)
Every financial decision is a tradeoff. The dollar you spend today is a dollar you cannot put to work for your future self. That invisible price tag is called opportunity cost, and understanding it is the final key to financial clarity.
Let’s make it real. That same $1,000 for the bag, if invested with an average 8% annual return, could be worth nearly $2,200 in ten years. In twenty years, it could be over $4,600. You can see how this works for yourself on the SEC’s official compound interest calculator.
The opportunity cost of that $1,000 bag isn’t just $1,000. It’s the $3,600 in future freedom you’re trading for it.
Now, is that trade-off worth it sometimes? Absolutely! But this calculation transforms you from a passive consumer into an active investor in your own life. You are making a conscious, informed choice about what you value more: the item today, or the freedom tomorrow.
Putting It All Together: A New Inner Monologue
Let’s retire J.P. Morgan’s tired, classist phrase for good. We’re replacing it with a new, empowering inner monologue.
The old way of thinking, the scarcity mindset, says: “If I have to ask, I can’t afford it.”
The new way, the money mindset of a confident investor, says: “Because I have to ask, I will now determine if this is worthy of me and my future.”
This isn’t about denying yourself life’s luxury goods. It’s about ensuring the luxuries you choose to enjoy are ones you’ve consciously selected, that align with your deepest values, and that you can savor completely, without a shred of guilt or anxiety. That is true wealth. That is true financial freedom.
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Note: The content provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as financial or legal advice. Consult with a professional advisor or accountant for personalized guidance.
